My Life: the Movie is probably a really boring concept, and it won't work anyway, but for quite a while now I've fantasized about writing the quintessential teen movie. And when I say teen movie, I'm talking more John Hughes than sex jokes, but still I haven't seen a "teen movie" that really captures the essence of teenagerdom. John Hughes does well, but Happily Ever Afters just don't happen, and while dirty jokes are common, life is not all drugs, beer busts and sex. What is needed is to find the balance between the parties and good times and the gritty real life and downers. And since I seriously doubt anyone in Hollywood is going to come to the same conclusion (or at least won't expect it to sell), the burden falls to me. So I give you a piece of the beginning of a draft of the Quintessential Teen Movie.

Fade in to sneakers plodding down a sidewalk. The sunlight splays across the pavement in mellow tones of yellow and orange. Circle around the feet a couple of times, then slowly look up along and past the worn jeans, up to the heavy backpack and t-shirt, and up into the face of a teenage boy. He has shaggy brown hair, small glasses, and a few pimples. He looks tired and slightly discouraged, his head drooping slightly. We watch him enter a duplex on a beautiful street. Inside, the house is badly in need of cleaning up. Things are strewn all over. He dumps his backpack on the floor.

Boy (loudly)
Hello!

A muffled voice comes from upstairs.

Voice (O.S.)
Hey, honey!

The boy pulls open a door and goes downstairs to the basement, which, while messy, is somewhat more organized: a pile of tapes surround the TV, a table is piled high with Legos, and one table in the corner has a computer with two prominent speakers, a printer, and other peripherals scattered around it. He sits down in front of the computer and , clicking, starts blaring loud music. He then leans back, closes his eyes, and breathes deeply. Suddenly he snaps up and begins typing rapidly.