I haven't seen anyone since I came here. I'm not sure how long it's been, there's no way to tell the time. The lights in my cell go out every 16 hours or so, or at least that's how it feels. Again, I'm not sure. The cell is pretty empty. There's a bunk in the corner, and my papers across the floor. There's a dor in the opposite corner without a handle, only a small window and a slot where I get my food, paper, and graphite for my mechanical pencil. The slot opens and another ream of paper gets sent through. I 've stopped checking to see if someone's there. There never is. I don't know how they know what I need and when, they probably have a camera in here or something, but I haven't found it. I've tried watching for whoever comes to deliver my things, but they never come until I look away. So through all this, I sit and write. It's not such a bad life, really, and mabe someday I'll return to the outside world, but until I sit and write. Just sit and write.

Tunes: "Kiss Me, Diss Me", Home Grown; "Remote Control", Beastie Boys; "Lay It Down", Aerosmith; "Red Rain", Peter Gabriel.

Sorry about my absence, Ive been switching hosts, got mixed up in the process, and screwed up my MT config for a week or so. But I'm back, and regular prgramming will resume immdiately.

Hearken to the voices calling, beckoning you, let them lead.
Follow till you find your passion, feel the true joy, be awake.
Let the world come rushing to you, at it's own pace, let it come.
Existence is the way it is, you can't change it, c'est la vie.

Tunes: "There's Always Someone Cooler Than You", Ben Folds; "Older", They Might Be Giants; "I'm Not Down", The Clash

Well, I just wrote a nice long bit of fiction, and it got deleted. Grrrrr. I told myself before always to write posts in a word processor first. Anyway, a while ago I wrote this as a part of some emotions that needed venting at the time: "I only hope I can pull my plane through this hurricane of confusion and mixed emotions and coast through clear skies, enjoying the peace and tranquility of having made it after all." Well, I'm through, and, though I'm not where I'd hoped I'd end up, I can't really complain either. I am indeed tranquil for the most part, and as for peaceful, I'm about as close as I get. Life is good, for the moment. "'Cause that's really all that life is, Sister. It's a series of moments. Why don't you seize yours." -Loki, Dogma

Tunes: "Bad Day", R.E.M.; "Matt's Diner", Green Means Go.

I spent a couple hours this evening simmering in a jealous ire (a long story primarily about punk rock elitism). So, I vented at some friends, then at my parents when they came home. Mom and Dad told me to have a snack, walk the dog, get some fresh air, and just generally get a change of pace. I did, and soon felt much better. While I was snacking as per my orders, I was idly leafing through my library copy of Lao-Tzu, and found a quote that humbled me deeply. Another lesson learned, another day well spent I suppose.

"Of crimes--none is greater than having things one desires;
Of disasters--none is greater than not knowing when one has enough.
Of defects--none brings more sorrow than the desire to attain.
Therefore, the contentment one has when he knows that he has enough, is abiding contentment indeed."

The house creaks, shifting its weight as evening settles over my home. I slip out the back door as quietly as I can, trying not to wake up the dog. It's chilly outside; I can see my breath hanging in the air for a moment before it evanesces into the stark fall night. Looking south, I can see the pale warm glow of the city. The light is both a blessing and a curse: It's never totally dark, giving the illusion of warmth, yet because of it, one can never see the starlight wavering down from above. After a while, I notice that my feet are getting numb, so I shuffle back inside to reflect on all the implications of my late night observances.

Tunes: "Stakeout", Freezepop (scroll down); "The Apartment Song", Tom Petty; "Boys Don't Cry", The Cure; "What These Bitches Want From A Nigga", DMX.

So, Halloween weekend went well, had an all-nighter party at church, all fun, but the scariest part of the weekend came afterwards. It was Saturday, and after I'd gotten a few hours' rest, I went with my father and sister to run some errands. At the library, I checked out the Te-Tao Ching, The Tao of Pooh, and a DVD set that would eventually prove my undoing. That evening, I put in the first disc and sealed my fate. The DVD in question was the first season of Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Now, 24 hours and 12 episodes later, I can look back and say that I'm bitten (stupid pun intended). Add one more to the body count, Buffy has another victim in me (although, quite frankly, Willow has it all over Buffy, but that's a different rant).