Last night I had a birthday party with some of my homeschooing peers. I had a really great time, but it wasn't after the party that the night hit its peak. I was unwrapping presents after everyone had left, and I reached a card that stopped me cold. The sheer heartfelt, honest purity of it reached in and opened one or two doors that I've kept locked tightly for a long time now, and made me ask a lot of questions about myself that I've avoided. I think that, for a while, I've felt kind of deficient somehow, and this affirmation of the bond of friendship and love was a bit of a wakeup call, reminding me that I'm not doing that badly. So now, after lots of self-reflection, some tears, and lots of sleep, here I am, certainly not sure of where I am in my life, but confident and comfortable with who I am.

Tunes: "Philosophy", Ben Folds Five; "Shame On You", Indigo Girls (iTMS); "Pressing On", Relient K (iTMS); "Affirmation", Savage Garden (iTMS; "Dear My Friend", Hi Standard.

How amazingly incredibly relaxing it is to turn on a really really hot shower and just sit at the bottom of the tub, curled up in a fetal position, letting the water cascade over you? Mmmm.

OK... Hi, everyone. Updates: I'm kinda moody right now, but then, I'm listening to Elvis Costello singing "Alison", and that always gets to me. In other news, my parents, after watching me put a homemade concoction of sugar and water into my hair for the better part of a week, got me some hair glue, I think for their own sakes as much as my own. And... I read the book American Gods by Neil Gaiman of Sandman fame (Thanks, Andrew!), and I highly recommend it to anyone.

OK, so... Today is not only Mardi Gras/Shrove Tuesday, But it is also Grey Tuesday, and I encourage you to follow this link to sites that are offering free downloads of DJ Danger Mouse's Grey Album in rebellion against EMI. And, last and not least by any means, it's my 17th birthday! w00t!!!

Not sure if this is a good or bad sign...

You're Les Miserables!

by Victor Hugo

One of the best known people in your community, you have become
something of a phenomenon. People have sung about you, danced in your honor, created all
manner of art in your name. And yet your story is one of failure and despair, with a few
brief exceptions. A hopeless romantic, you'll never stop hoping that more good will come
from your failings than is ever possible. Beware detectives and prison guards bearing
vendettas.


Take the Book Quiz
at the Blue Pyramid.

So, I blogged too soon about the band. Our would-be bassist ditched us to start something with some friends of his, so we're out hitting the classifieds again. Bummer.

Tunes: "Choked Up", Minibar (iTMS).

Well, it's looking like my band is finally coming together. Quite a diverse group, too: Tom and Alex, on rythym guitar and bass, respectively, were both born and raised outside of the U.S. (Tom is Polish, Alex Russian); Tom is a computer tech, while Alex works at a restaurant by Wrigley Field; There's Reggie, our eccentric gamer drummer; Rich, on lead guitar, a quintessential Midwestern guy, who is trying to build his own car and with sideburns such that the kids at our practice space call him "Elvis"; and then there's me. 'Nuff said. Now, if we could only agree on a name... Suggestions are welcome, let the bombardment begin. ^_^

So, I finally got around to watching Bowling For Columbine last night, and while I did learn a few things (such as the coinciding of the Columbine shootings with the largest U.S.bombing raid on Kosovo), and had some criticisms (Michael Moore kind of hoist himself with his own petard with this), I was left with two predominant thoughts.

1. While I kinda like some of his songs, Marilyn Manson gives me a serious case of the heebie-jeebies.

2. I REALLY want to live in Canada.

P.S. As for the Alvin and the Chipmunks stuff that Dad's been talking about, I would like to say in my defense that a) I've already received requests for four album's worth of songs edited this way, and b) Alvin and the Chipmunks performing Afroman's "Because I Got High" is just plain hilarious. So there.

P.P.S. I've started adding iTMS sound links to the Tunes I list that are in the store. For some reason, they don't have my German techno... :-( Anyway, this particular Tunes listing is really striking to me, so, I dunno, pay attention or something. Just pretend I had a point to make here.

Tunes: "Walk Away", Ben Harper (iTMS); "Anthem Of Our Dying Day", Story Of The Year (iTMS); "Bad Day", Fuel (iTMS); "Achterbahn", Blümchen.

It's one thing to find out your friends read your blog. It's one thing to find out your teammates read your blog. It's a whole nother ballpark to find out that your friend's parents read your blog.

Si needs a trip to the Bunny Planet.

I just got back from going to see my friend Alice in her school production of The Trojan Women, and wow. The performance was very well done all around, with homemade (or schoolmade, rather) sets, an original score performed by the cast, well-designed costumes (the Greek soldiers wore camo BDU pants, jackboots and berets, while the ruined women of Troy wore tattered rags and shawls), and excellent acting, with one or two minor exceptions. Alice was magnificent as the wrathful goddess Athena. She wanted revenge, she wanted suffering and blood, and she wanted it NOW. All in all, a very well-spent evening.

There's a poster up on the wall with my picture on it. The picture is grainy and in black and white, and it's not a terribly good likeness. In the picture I'm surrounded by my old friends. I wonder where they are now. Better off than I am, most likely. Except maybe Jerry. If he's not in jail yet, he's probably living from drug deal to drug deal. But I digress. The poster in question was the symbol of the peak of my life. The first gig. The first and last gig. We got up there, none of us having a clue what we were doing, and we had a blast. The crowd loved us. Everything should have gone well. But after that night, something changed. We changed. We grated on each other, each of us certain that we were right and the others were just being stupid. We were half right. Our stupidity cost us dearly. I don't mean about the band. That was fun, but it wasn't earth-shattering. When we parted ways, we left our friendships lying in the dust behind us. Now, if they ended up anything like me, there's noone left. Only a fragment of a memory captured in a poster on the wall.

I like Blue Devils and I can not lie
You other schools just can't deny
When Duke comes in with a rocket fast pace
And that offense in your face
You get owned
Wanna pull up tough
Cause you notice that our boys play rough
Oh, Devils, I wanna play wit'cha
Let me take your picture
UNC they tried to play ya
But that game you played made them a failure
Ooh, tighten that defense
You say you wanna beat UNC
UNC, NC, ain't no match for Coach K and Duke, see?
I seen them shootin'
Them crowds are hootin'
They play, hey, gonna win the NC Double A
I'm tired of magazines
Saying Stanford is the only thing
Take the average center and he will say
They gotta pack much game, so
Devils, (yeah!) Devils, (yeah!)
Has your school's team got the game? (hell yeah!)
Well play it (play it) play it (play it)
Play that basketball
Baby got game

OK, I can only do so much before the euphoria starts to wear off. Go Duke, you rock! Taking down UNC 83 over 81 in overtime!!! One amazing game. The bonfires will burn bright tonight.

(P.S.) My 2nd Blogiversary today!!!

This is my bicenpostial entry!!! (My 200th post, for those who don't get it.) I've come a long way since that first post two years ago, in life, love, and spelling. *pause for laughter* I'd like to thank the Academy... No, wait, wrong speech. Seriously, though, thanks to everyone who's influenced me, for better or for worse, for making me who I am now. Thanks for all the support, for the letdowns, for the love, for the apathy, for building me up and for tearing me down. I wouldn't be me without all that. Speaking of which, I'd like to take this opportunity to add Britta of jeweledplatypus to my blogroll, as I've been reading her blog regularly for a while now without sending any traffic her way.

So, cheers, and here's to 200 more!

Justin Timberlake, MTV, and CBS are apologizing all over the place for the little halftime incident. They say it was unplanned. Quite frankly, I don't buy it. The tear was too even, it didn't look like Justing was exerting that much energy in trying to pull it off, and the cameras pulled away just before-- as if they didn't want to be too close in when the fireworks started. I DO get a kick out of Justin calling it a "wardrobe malfunction", though.