Chaotic images swirl around me: burnt moths falling like snow, ream's worths of blank paper fluttering all around, and a small metallic circle. I can't comprehend what they are, what they signify, and I cry aloud as they surround me. I clench my eyes shut as they all press in, and suddenly there is an absence in the space around me. One eyes cracks open the tiniest slit to see absolutely nothing. I open my eyes fully and blink several times, but to no avail. I cannot see. I reach out my arms, to feel the offending visions that had but moments ago pursued me, but they sweep through empty space. Blind and confused, I fall to the ground, weeping through sightless eyes.

And then a voice comes faintly into my world. A quiet, melodic voice whose very sound seems to fill my body with strength and purge me of exhaustion. I can hardly make out the words, but the tone is clear. Calm. Relax. This too shall pass.

I woke up yesterday morning to find an inch of snow on the ground.

Hey, back again. Blogging has been sporadic lately, I know. The quick update for the recent past is as follows:

Wrote a lot of midterm papers
Went back to Evanston for the weekend
Returned to another midterm paper
Celebrated final midterm's completion with annual Apple Day festivities, involving cider and pie and caramel and other such goodness

Now I'm taking my time, enjoying the fact that I don't have an imminent deadline. I've been doing more transcription in hopes of getting an a cappella group active and performing next semester. Requests and recommendations are welcome.

I've been thinking a lot about the future... Making plans for next year, the year after, and so on, for quite some time. Sometimes it's a good thing, sometimes it's a bit much to handle. We'll see how many of them come to fruition.

I'm discovering some of the quieter joys of school. There are parties and impromtu gatherings and movie nights and so on, but then there are also the nights spent reading in your room along with your roommates and sitting out under the stars (not as much, now that Autumn has finally decided to show up) and burrowing underneath the covers and relaxing (more so now, for the aforementioned reason).

I love my Poetry and War class, but today's reading and discussion made me physically ill. The fact that someone can wholeheartedly advocate certain abominable things so artfully literally turns my stomach.

Tunes: "Missing," Everything But The Girl; "Come Downstairs and Say Hello," Guster.

(For those that don't know, Potash Hill is the hill that Marlboro is built on)

So first off, it's midterm season, which means lots of papers. Dropped off one today at the very last minute, but it's done and not too atrocious. I have another due Friday right before I leave for home on break, and one more two days after I get back to school.

I'm hosting a prospie on Thursday. It's gonna be interesting being on the other side of the situation I was in last year. I'm looking forward to it.

Two disasters befell us this weekend, one natural, one un-. We were hit by a massive amount of rain, dubbed "Vermonsoon." It rained torrentially for a full day and then some. Then, just as the rain began to clear, our bathroom ceiling started to drip... then dribble... then a large chunk of the ceiling fell in. Needless to say, that bathroom is currently out of commission.

I can't wait to get home. I love school, but I need a few day's breather.

Pictures are coming, really. Finding someone with a digital camera I can borrow has been a harder task than it seemed.

The campus-wide plague is finally showing signs of ebbing, although there's still a perpetual chorus of coughs and sniffles.

The turning leaves are beautiful. I'm told that I haven't seen anything yet.

There's this phenomenon on campus called "Freshman mating season." Couples are springing up everywhere, making campus look not unlike a New England hippie version of Dawson's Creek. There are cute bits, angsty bits, and the whole thing is a constant reminder that my girlfriend is approximately thirteen hundred miles away (not that I'm counting or anything).

After three and a half more papers, I'm returning home for the first time. I'm not really sure what to expect.

Early fairy tales are, as Diana Lord would say, "full of innundo."

It doesn't look to be as hard to immigrate to Canada as I thought. Something to bear in mind for later in life.

My room is clean for the first time since we all moved in. It's a pleasant change, and we've agreed that we're going to try and keep it this way for a change.

I find myself paying more attention to houses these days.

(of this American life...) No, really. Major ickiness inside my body. I can't talk, I'm coughing up a storm, and just generally feel lousy. On the plus side, I don't have any pressing assignments (for the moment) and I'll be able to take the weekend nice and slow.

There aren't really words to describe college. It's just the way life goes now. There are good bits and bad bits, and life goes on. It's gonna be really interesting to visit home on fall break. A lot has changed, and yet not much has changed at all.

Serenity comes out tomorrow. The geek side of the force grows strong within me.

I think I'm learning more outside the classroom than inside. My teachers are great, but the stuff that comes from living in a family of people thrown together is inspiring.

So many random thoughts. Oh well.

You scored as Hoban 'Wash' Washburne. The Pilot. You are a leaf on the wind, see how you soar. You have a good job, and a stunning wife who loves you (and can kill people). Life is good, which is why you can't help smiling. Now if you can just get people to actually listen to your opinion things would be perfect. Hoban 'Wash' Washburne 94% Kaylee Frye 75% The Operative 69% Shepherd Derrial Book 63% River Tam 63% Capt. Mal Reynolds 56% Simon Tam 56% Zoe Alleyne Washburne 50% Inara Serra 38% Jayne Cobb 19% Which Serenity character are you? created with QuizFarm.com

...out of Florida came Jeb bush to prove me wrong.

Doncha just love the U.S. of A.?

Arr, and a happy International Talk Like a Pirate Day to ye all, buckos!!

*ahem*

Anyway, life continues at school. I turned in my first paper (compare and contrast two early versions of Cinderella), and have a meeting with my prof today to discuss it. Meanwhile, it's a new week, which means a new Shakespeare play. Having finished Henry V and Richard II, it's time to get cracking on Macbeth-- and write a paper on one of THEM by Friday. Woohoo! Socially, I'm happy as Larry (however happy he is), and I'm thrilled with the great friends and exceptional roommates I've got. And within a couple days I'll borrow a friend's camera and put some pictures up from around campus. I promise.

Time passes, in that insufferably smug way that it does. Friends become acquaintances, acquantances become friends, and for some bizarre reason it's 89º outside in Vermont. In the midst of all this stands a young man simply doing his best to keep his heaad above water (not a terribly hard task in the literal sense, as he lives on a mountaintop, but much tougher figuratively). His mind is a whirlwhind of responsiblities, priorities, and the instinctive need to escape. There are moments of reprieve from his inner struggle, however. Conversations with loved ones and time spent with new friends make the days lighter and easier to bear. I cannot say what comes next, however. His story has yet to be told, and only that unbearably conceited time knows what is yet to pass.

Tunes: "Runaway Train," Soul Asylum (iTMS); "What a Good Boy," Barenaked Ladies (iTMS).

The seabury crew has been floating this around, and I need something to do, so:

How many total songs?
2510 songs, 9.42GB.

Sort by Song Title - first and last songs?
First: ¿Dónda Está Dolores? - The Flirtations
Last: Zoot Suit Riot - Cherry Poppin' Daddies

Sort by Time - first and last songs?
First: (0:04) Interlude Cue Music - Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back
Last: (11:49) God Fearing Man - Ben Harper

Top Ten Played Songs
1. Feel Good Inc. - Gorillaz
2. Beverly Hills - Weezer
3. Landed - Ben Folds
4. Devil's Haircut - Beck
5. Tender Comrade - Billy Bragg
6. My Best Friend's Girl - The Cars
7. Love Song - The Cure
8. Elias - Dispatch
9. Best of You - Foo Fighters
10. Come On Eileen - Save Ferris

Last Ten Played (its been on shuffle for about an hour)
1. Elias - Dispatch
2. Come As You Are - Nirvana
3. Jackass - Bloodhound Gang
4. They Don't Know - Kirsty MacColl
5. Angel - Slick Shoes
6. Working Undercover For The Man - They Might Be Giants
7. Fell in Love With a Girl - White Stripes
8. Swing Swing - The All-American Rejects
9. The Nearness of You - Norah Jones
10. Praise You - Fatboy Slim

Find 'sex.' How many songs show up?
17, with the most outrageous award going to Big T and The Oaktones' "I Want Your Sex Pootie."

Find 'death.' How many songs show up?
11. Highlighted in this category is the Five Iron Frenzy classic "The Untimely Death of Brad."

Find 'love.' How many songs show up?
132. And every one fabulous.

Tiny delicate
flowers purple and yellow
outside my window

Faces around a bonfire
some familiar, some new
all drawn together into a community
living with each other on the hill
for four long formative years
making connections
Will I see them after I'm done?

Tunes: "I Ain't Marching Anymore," Phil Ochs; "Living in the Love Life After," Vic Thrill.

So now, the rush of orientation has died down, and classwork has started to kick in. I THINK I've got my class schedule pretty much set. All that remains is to clear it through my advisor. As it stands now, I'll be taking:

Fairytales, Fantasy, and Fiction (writing seminar)
Intro to Shakespeare
Poetry and War
Solfedge I
Chorus

I'm thrilled with all of them, and would say that I can't wait to get under way, but I am underway-- My first official class is tomorrow, and I'm supposed to have read the entirety of Henry V by then. Woohoo! Hitting the books!

In more social news, there was a contra dance in the dining hall last night, which was quite fun. Some of us also went over to the sauna and baked for a while afterwards.

Should anyone wish to send me mail, care packages, or anything at all, my mailing address is:

Josiah Adam
P.O. Box B-158
Marlboro College
2582 South Road
Marlboro, VT
05344

If sending packages, leave out the P.O. box bit, and it'll get to me.

No, not me (not the first two, anyway).

So. I am now safe and secure in my dorm room at Marlboro, with my wicked awesome roomates Simon and Charlie, after a fabulous week of almost-camping. I say almost-camping because a) we set up camp about ten minutes away from campus (on foot), and b) we brought a full kitchenette with us, complete with counter, sink, and backgammon board. I met some amazing people, and made fabulous bonds with them. Thanks to Seth and Colin, my hilarious and welcoming trip leaders, and my co-campers Rain, Dan, Aurie, Matt, Clare, Erin, Kelly, and Helen (dreads provided by Rain and Helen, lederhosen by Kelly). We were ostensibly there to meditate and practice yoga and so on and so forth. We ended up doing two meditation sessions and one of yoga, but the time was well spent, mostly just sitting around the continuous campfire and talking-- or, I should say, communicating, as Dan had chosen not to speak for the entire trip, leading to lots of hand gestures and the occasional jotted note. There were tears. There were far too many injuries and health issues. But there was also almost unending laughter, and there were smiles too many to count. Many of you know how my extended family structure works, and I have many new members now. As I said before, my roommates are quite cool, and our room is looking more and more like home. Our room is also only a scant 50 feet from the on-campus sauna, which I'm sure I will frequent with some regularity, especially when winter hits. ^_^ Pictures will be up on Flickr when I move to one of the places on campus with strong reception.

"No matter where you go, there you are."
-Buckaroo Banzai

This feels so weird. I've spent such good time with such good friends, and when the evenings close, I have to say goodbye. Not the usual "So long, see you around," but "Bye, maybe see you around Thanksgiving, or if not then, Christmas."

I am leaving my family to live on my own.

This is only just really sinking in.

To all those that I am moving away from (I purposefully refrain from the term leave), I offer these inadequate words: Thank you. I will always remember you, and hope that you remember me often. I love you.

I will continue to post from school, both words and pictures (not for the first week, though, cause I'll be out building a team in the woods). Please stay in touch, and I'll try and do the same.

This is the closing chapter of a deeply significant part of my life, and I'm so grateful to all of you who have helped form me into the person I am now. As this chapter ends, another opens, and the possible directions are virtually endless. We'll have to wait and see where it goes.

That's what I said to Laura as we left The Second City last night. Wow. That is some really freaking funny stuff. An excellent blend of sketch and improv comedy that flowed neatly into one huge fabulous show.

There's some carryover to today as well. I was assured by the health director at Marlboro that it wouldn't be an issue at all for me to type stuff up instead of handwriting (saving my thumb worlds of fatigue and pain). Also, I'm getting stoked about the pre-orientation camping trip I'm going on with some of my fellow students. The only real downers right now are the swiftly shortening hours with my friends and loved ones, and how much I have to pack within the aforementioned shrinking hours.

Another update coming before departure, but for the moment, more packing.

Tunes: "Zimbabwe," Toni Childs (iTMS).

A cat slinks along an alleyway at night. Its body is thin and worn, with many scars along its patchy fur. It pokes its nose into a garbage bin and is rewarded with a special treat: dinner, in the form of a half-eaten bagel with cream cheese. Purring, it leaps up to the roof of a garage and feasts upon its decaying meal, tearing into the molding dough as if it were freshly killed prey.

I was discussing this reading (Nehemiah 9:16-20) with Dad and Laura last Sunday. The summarized point I came away with is that God is always with us, and is always pointing the way. We are the ones who are left, as always, to make the right choice. God can present pillars of cloud and fire all day long, and even throw in a couple of flashing neon signs saying "Over here," but we still have to pick up our feet and walk that way. And when the path is rocky and we stumble and think that this can't POSSIBLY be a part of God's plan, we have to stop and take a look around to make sure we're reading the road signs right, because the screw-ups in this world really AREN'T just part of some universal plan. God doesn't WANT us to be cruel and fight wars and hurt the people we care about. God loves us all, much more than we can possibly imagine. God's love is strong enough to forgive us no matter how far we stray-- as long as we recognize that we HAVE strayed, and ask God for directions back to the main road (as I've sugessted before in an extreme example, to some other people's indignance). The element of choice has always been an integral part of humanity's relationship with God. God gave us free will from the get-go, knowing full well that we were just as likely to run off and talk to snakes about fruit as we were to simply frolic and play in paradise. And through every bad choice we've made-- all the way from the apple in the garden to the hundreds and thousands of sins committed daily now-- God has been unfailingly patient, ready and waiting for us to adjust our bearings and get back on track. No matter what happens, God is with us all the way. In the face of such perseverance, how else can we show our gratitude but to follow the fire and cloud that God provides to show us the way? Now I know, as Dad always says, "It's more complicated than that." But surely TRYING cannot be so complicated. and as long as we try, eventually we'll get it right.

I wrote a big long thing tonight that touches on a number of topics, but it's not really ready for public edification yet. So, until then...

RANDOM LYRIC QUOTES THAT MAKE NO SENSE OUTSIDE OF THE CONTEXT OF MY LIFE!!!

WOO HOO!!!

"And then you had to bring up reincarnation
Over a couple of beers the other night
And now I'm serving time for mistakes
Made by another and another lifetime"

--"Galileo," Indigo Girls

"Do you dream about music or mathematics,
Or planets too far for the eyes?
Do you dream about Jesus or quantum mechanics
Or angels who sing lullabies?"

--"When You Dream," Barenaked Ladies

"I pulled into Nazareth, I was feelin' about half past dead
I just need some place where I can lay my head
'Hey Mister, can you tell me where a man might find a bed?'
He just grinned and shook my hand, and 'No!' was all he said"

--"The Weight," The Band

I spent the late afternoon and early evening at the Chicago Botanical Garden with Laura and Mom and Dad and Pippa. It was quite enjoyable, very low-key, with lots of flowers and waterfalls and bridal parties.

This and more at my Flickr site, and much, much more at Dad's.

Not really sure how I'm feeling right now. Will update later when emotions give way to creative venting. In the meantime, what's running through my head:

Drink with me to days gone by
To the life that used to be
At the shrine of friendship, never say die
Let the wine of friendship never run dry
Here's to you and here's to me

–Les Misérables

Once again, I return to you from the mosh pits of some of today's finest punk bands, moderately unscathed. I shall run through the highlights in chronological order. Noone I knew was starting off, so I went to the nearest stage and heard Hawthorne Heights, who were quite good. Next up was Mest, who played a fun set as always. They threw in a few fun little touches such as medleying Rancid's "Time Bomb" into Mest's own single "Cadillac." Unfotunately, I missed Relient K, who I'd been looking forward to seeing, but they switched the stages around partway through the day so I ended up at the wrong stage. After that, I swung by to see Dropkick Murphys, who played a bunch of classics, like "The Gauntlet" and "Barroom Heroes," as well as a rewrite of "Fields of Athenry" they had put together for a G.I. who died in Iraq. At this point, I took a break to get some food and wander through the merch tents, and it was there that I saw a familiar face.

As you might recall, two years ago I went to an exciting show at Nevin's Live at which I had beer spat down my front and champagne sprayed into my eyes. Duggan (the man with the champagne) and his band the Lost City Angels were playing the Warped Tour. I said hi and after a moment of shocked recognition, we caught up, talked about the past couple years, and he advised me to check out a band I hadn't heard of before, called Gogol Bordello. I took his advice, and with a parting promise to be at his set, made my way to Gogol Bordello's stage. They were still setting up when I arrived, so I sat through the second half of Skindred's show on the next stage over. It was a unique sound, a kind of metallic reggae with a sequencer underneath. But when Gogol Bordello took the stage, the word "unique" took on a whole different meaning. The band refer to themselves as a "Gypsy punk cabaret," and that's the closest description I can come up with. I really don't know how to describe the set. All I can say is, if they're passing through near you, be sure and see them. It's a one-of-a-kind performance. After Gogol Bordello finished up, I went and saw The Transplants, A group of modern-day punk rock legends: Tim Armstrong, "Skinhead Rob" Aston, and Travis Barker. The Transplants made way for The Offspring, who were just plain fun. They played a good mix of old and new, keeping the crowd singing along and jumping all over the place. For the last song ("Self-Esteem"), Dexter Holland pulled a fire hose on stage and doused the crowd in time to one of Atom Willard's drum solos. Almost spent, I made my way through the crowds to my final show: my old pals the Lost City Angels. They came out with a vengeance and turned my "almost spent" into a "just getting started." Their energy and powerful hooks kept my fist pumping and head banging up to the very last note. At last, exhausted, bedraggled, and sore, I made my way home, to a shower and bed. All in all, a day very well spent.

So... not much on the blog front lately. Since the wedding it's really been work, rehearsal, sleep, work, rehearsal, sleep, work, see Laura, read Harry Potter (reeeeeeeeeeeally good), sleep. Today I have an appointment with an occupational therapist about my handwriting problem. Not really sure how that's gonna go. I'm really starting to feel the crunch of stuff that needs to be done before school. Blah. But, I am going to Warped Tour this Saturday, for free, and there shall be much rejoicing.

Last night I found myself (^_^) staying up very late to lock horns with a very, very challenginig task. I had to pick out a list of nine courses that I thought I'd like to take to send in to my academic advisor. Nine. When I first ran through the course list, I marked twentyone as interesting, and I had to narrow that down to nine. And I'm only going to be able to actually TAKE four. College is too interesting. Do I take Intro to Shakespeare or Reading into Novels: 19th Century? Bible and Qur'an or From Ritual to Spectacle? I was up verrrry late.

I've also been cleaning my room (a fairly Herculean task), and indexing my album cover art in the breaks (most of the way into S now). And on that note... does ANYone know who REALLY does the comedy routine "History and Usage of the word F***"? It's always credited to George Carlin or Denis Leary or the like, but it doesn't show up in their catalogs.

And now, I have to pack, as the day after tomorrow shall be someone else's dancing day-- a couple of specific someones. Justin and Mae are getting married, and there shall be much rejoicing (yaaay).

Tunes: "When You're In Love," The Proclaimers (iTMS).

The birds sing. Sunlight glows and makes my room painfully bright. Eyes still half closed, I roll over in an effort to prolong this semblance of unconsciousness before I have to face the day. I start to curl up into a ball, and that's when it starts. I am suddenly aware of my calf, and know what is about to happen even though I cannot stop it. In slow motion, I feel my muscles tense and clench, sending a massive wave of pain through my lower leg. I reach down to touch it, and encounter rock hard muscle, tight and rigid. Biting my lip to keep from crying out, I rub my swollen calf, feeling the solid mass of flesh slowly begin to melt beneath my touch. After a while, my leg is once again soft and flexible, but still sensitive and tender. I lie beneath the covers, wishing in vain that I did not have to rise and face the rest of the day.

Tunes: "Between Angels and Insects," Papa Roach (iTMS); "Art is Hard," Cursive (iTMS).

I'm just plain fried.

I've been working a lot, and taking time with my friends when I can, but I'm really glad tonight to be able to just sit back with my laptop and not have to do anything. I've been making progress on my album cover art updates (I'm halfway through "D" now), chatted with friends, and uploaded a couple new pictures to Flickr. The Flickr thing concerns me, however. The new pictures I've put up are far better than anything I can ever remember having taken before-- and these shots were taken from a cell phone within a moving train. I feel like somewhere across the world a tree fell on someone's house, just to maintain a sense of order and balance in the universe.

Sorry, who/wherever you are.

So many new and special things!

First, I made my big technology purchases for school: a 12" iBook G4, a 30gb iPod Photo, and a printer. I am having LOTS of fun with my new babies.

Second, I have been flickrized! Check me out here.

Third... OK, so two new and special things. But I'm having fun anyway.

Tunes: "Goody Two Shoes," Adam Ant (iTMS); "Star 69," R.E.M. (iTMS).

A thief, vanishing into a faceless crowd.

A holiday, celebrated long ago with friends and strangers.

A house, whose aged wood breathes with a life of its own.

A car, cruising along through countryside.

Last night I put up a few links to "news" headlines and tacked on some snarky and cynical barbs. Sometime later that night, either I felt guilty about insulting the runaway bride and went back and deleted the post (unlikely) or Leo DiCaprio's people found out and hacked into my admin interface to remove it (very slightly more likely). Or, y'know, maybe I just messed something up in Blogware. Anyone who knows more than I do about this sorta thing have any ideas of where it got to?

The night is cool, a sharp contrast from the humid heat that the day had been. He stands at an intersection, waiting. A broken beer bottle catches his eye, glinting in the glow of the streetlights. Its pieces are scattered, its original shape nothing but a transparent memory told by the label that still holds some few shards in its embrace. He pauses, reflecting on this piece of litter, and its symbolism, before pushing the thought out of his mind and kicking the fragments away, leaving no sign of their prior existence except a light scratch on a rubber shoe sole. Still he waits, and still that scratch stays.

Tunes: "Nobody Likes You When You're Dead," Zombina and the Skeletones; "Baby, I'm An Anarchist," Against Me!.

This week's mantra:

I will not kill/maim/otherwise smite my castmates.
I will not run screaming into the street.
I will not hang myself with my blanket.
(repeat)

Yes, this week is Tech (Hell) week, with 4+ hour rehearsals daily for the upcoming show: You're A Good Man, Charlie Brown. Please do come and see it. Support youth theater. Support homeschooling. Support me (as Linus Van Pelt), and possibly (if you're lucky) see the exact moment when I snap, rend my garments, and swing away on a microphone cord.

Seriously, though, please do come, this Friday and Saturday, at 2pm and 7pm each day. $3 tickets at the door, at the Edge of the Woods Theater, 6376 N. Loleta Ave. Yes, past shows have been free, but we had to pay royalties on this one, so please come and bring lots of friends so the difference doesn't have to come out of my pocket.

Tunes: "Life In A Northern Town," Dream Academy (iTMS).